Thursday, July 14, 2016

Hello, It's Me, Me Who?

Me Who?

That is a wonderful question. One that I have asked myself for the past 10 years or so. This post isn't going to be rainbows and butterflies. This post is going to be exposing. This post may even turn out scary. I am going to be OK with that. I am starting a journey. I am starting to seek out answers. I am starting to really figure out who is "Me."

Known procrastinator here. In grade school I would wait to the list minute to work on a Diorama, remember those projects. I would put off studying for a test and cram right before or not even study at all. I managed to survive grade school and middle school. High School was another story, ( maybe a separate post). Let me be completely honest I was never a strong student. I didn't have the best attention span. 

My childhood to an outsider would have looked as close to perfect as it could. Loving parents, a younger sister, a roof over my head, food on the table and really not having any care in the world. I am extremely blessed and sure some days I hate to admit it, I take it for granted. Even today as I am sitting writing this post and thinking back to those years.

They were carefree. They were fun. No stress. No anxiety. No depression.

Today, that is another story and the one I hope to transform as I take this journey. I don't know when or why it started but I am filled with anxiety, loneliness, and depression. I have also had my fair share of panic attacks. Do my friends and family know, well if they didn't they do now. I believe I did a pretty good job of hiding it; however that is not the right move. If you are reading this have any of the above and feel alone, YOU ARE NOT. Talk to someone. It can be anyone. But talk because if I learned anything this far and I'm only days into being open, it is that people generally want to help you as best they can. You may along the way find someone who doesn't, but overall you would be surprised.

With all that said I am going to end this post on a positive note. My colleague at the Yoga Studio I work at lent me this book and I seriously can't put it down. I wrote this post-it note and it is now on my bathroom mirror as a daily reminder. A reminder that is this my journey.

XoXo,
Tracy

2 comments:

  1. You are definitely not alone! I have suffered with panic attacks for 10 years, as well as lots of anxiety. I thought I was insane because I'd be out to dinner with close friends and feel like the world was closing in on me. Awful. I did a few years of therapy which helped, and I have also been greatly, greatly helped by a low dose of an SSRI. It also helped me to realize that I had these expectations that I was supposed to be happy and comfortable all the time, and that's not life. Realizing that is kind of helpful as well, it takes the pressure off to always feel perfect.
    Finally, I am not sure your religious persuasion, but I am Catholic. I've always felt that for me there was a spiritual root to my anxiety. I've always been more religious than most, and in the past year I've spent a lot of time really working on what I describe as my relationship with God. It has helped me to realize there is a plan for good in the world, that suffering can have a higher purpose, and that God really does work through us to kind of fix and redeem the worst aspects of ourselves. I use a journal when I pray and it really helps un-knot a lot of the messed up thoughts and attitudes I have.

    ok so hope that doesn't sound too crazy! I promise I'm a regular 30something average girl in NYC! Just sharing what has made a huge difference for me. Hope you find your path too. :)

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    1. Thank you so much. You do not sound crazy one bit and I really appreciate the advice. Religion is something I have been exploring more as well as writing in a journal and sticking with it. I have also expressed how I was feeling to my family and that has been slightly helpful.

      Thank you again for your comment. Have a great weekend!

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