Tracy Say's: Check in with Yourself
|Asbury Park Beach, May 2020|
Before the Coronavirus, the pandemic, the quarantine and stay-at-home orders, I can't remember the last time I sat still for more than a few minutes here and there. As someone who always thought the busier she was the better, I am realizing a lot about myself during this time. As a Front Desk Manager at a large hotel in NYC I was constantly juggling multiple things, mostly because I would jump right in. On days off, I would be out trying new restaurants, exploring new places, taking road-trips, and just being constantly on the go. I've been told here and there I am just running and that I am going to get burnt out sooner or later. Just like that, I am forced to stay home and not run. Rather than burning myself out, the universe had other plans and here we are today.
This time has allowed me to learn more about some of my hobbies.
Actually slow down, and for those who know me IRL know that I am a fast paced on the go person. You know what, I will continue to make sure I have a work life balance when I return to work. Slowing down, is actually pretty good for me. For a long time, I would go go go to not have to sit and think or feel my feelings but I am coming to understand that is very important and that I need to give myself a break every now and then. How is that for checking in with yourself.
Someone I once worked with reached out recently; she was so surprised to see me actually doing things I once said I would NEVER do, like cooking. Her actual words were, "Are you OK, I thought something crazy might have happened to you." I said, "quarantine happened, and actually have time to teach myself something simple, like making an over-easy egg, thanks to watching my roommate." It seems so trivial that I could never cook and egg, but really I never had the desire. Now, I enjoy making my breakfast in the morning and coming up with a new dinner in the evening. I look forward to continue with this, once we resume to what our new normal will be.
Another friend sent me a DM that really made me smile " I love seeing this side of you. Keep up the amazing work and as always spreading your beautiful and inspiring energy." I have loved sharing my walks, creating videos, and being myself on Instagram. No curating my feed, or trying to be someone I am not just to be on Instagram. A few days later, someone saw another story about giving back to a local food bank that inspired them and their family to host a socially distance food drive leaving boxes on their lawn and then later donating them. Those messages are the ones that mean the world. The support of friends and family, during this crazy time is everything.
Speaking of family we have now celebrated two birthday's on Zoom. Both myself and my dad celebrated our birthday's during quarantine. I tried & failed at setting up a Zoom birthday for my dad. The email didn't have a hyperlink or date and time; so I will leave creating Zoom calls to my family and friends and will just join in! You win some and you lose some, but as long as you sing Happy Birthday and have fun, that is what matters most. I also lost my grandmother during this time, and we were unable to have a funeral; like everyone else who has lost someone. We are not sure she had Covid; however she was 89 and lived a great life. I miss her often, but am comforted knowing she is not suffering and that she is with her daughter, my mom in Heaven. I can't wait to hug my dad and sister, when it is safe to do so, and I look forward to our next family gathering at the holidays.
For as long as I can remember I have cared what others thought of me, and as of late it just hasn't even crossed my mind. Maybe it's because we are all in the SAME STORM, not the SAME BOAT. The storm being the pandemic, but every person's boat( (life) is different. I spend usually 30-40 minutes every morning journaling and let me tell you it is wonderful. If you know me, I speak without thinking, which is something I have been working on. I have been writing out all those self-deprecating and negative thoughts and replacing them with positive attributes about myself and what I want in this life. What legacy do I want to leave behind. Who I want to be with. I have never been one who can answer the question "Where do you see yourself in 5 or 10 years" but you know what, I can now tell you I have ideas and they are on paper. Who knows, maybe manifesting will work.
All this to say, I think it is important you take the time to check-in with yourself. I am thinking of you and sending a virtual friend hug!